Cards & Quarters

2011 has taught me to let things go. I think I naturally want to hold on to things, even if they are broken for sentimental reasons and I put it in my backpack of stuff and it makes me feel heavy. And for a very long time I thought that heaviness was natural but it’s not. I had been listening to songs that told me to, “pack light,” but I wasn’t understanding. But I don’t mean let things go as in, “If something is broken and can be fixed just leave it!” No, that’s not what I mean but the tricky part is deciding whether or not something can be fixed. 

Here is where that following your heart or mind dichotomy comes in, which I completely disagree with because what is your heart without your mind and your mind. It makes no sense to believe that even figuratively they exist separate. It’s sad that so many people believe that bullshit.

Another thing in 2011 I learned was that words slip out so easily and effortlessly and yet have so much clout. It’s almost like giving a baby a gun, they know not what they do yet they could hurt a lot of people. I don’t know if I’m write in doing so but I value my words more than others but there is a hierarchy of whose words are worth more to me than others.

People always notice that I don’t curse and ask why and my honest answer to that is that I just never got accustom to it and I felt the weight of those words more than who I’d say them too. And I have another thing about the history of words that really gets me. For the life of my, I can use “nigga.” I see images of slavery and segregation and inequality and hundreds of years of pain and I can’t. I just can’t.    

-Research more of the negative side

-Do spottts

-Do 15 Vocab words

-Stats hwk

-Finish packet

I think I’ve permanently checked out of school. School is over for me and that is really bad because I’ve reach an irresponsible level of apathy. Today in third period I realized that I’m half way intelligent and it’s being wasted at high school. And then for a brief moment I thought, “Yeah! I can use this new found ability to critically think to save the world! Eff yeah!” Because idk, I just have some weird savior complex that I suppress but every once and a while it seeps out. I try to suppress it because whenever I let it out and is hit by the train that is, “YOU CAN’T SAVE EVERYONE/FIX EVERYONE’S PROBLEMS,” I become extremely apathetic. THEN when that happens I constantly spew this ethereal stuff that no one cares to hear or understand.

I am interested in seeing what my sociology professor has to say about my essay. The big conclusion I reached in the end was far greater than stuff about what the topic was (veiling in the eastern culture). I came to the conclusion that by recognizing or acknowledging oppression and privilege in x other culture doesn’t mean you’re not acting within cultural relativism because oppression and privileged lives in culture, it is a problem within culture itself because these problems are in some many other cultures that even if I do point it out in x culture, I’m not saying, “shame on that culture!” I’m saying “shame on culture.” I think that I’m either really right or terribly wrong but that is my line of reason. See what happens when I have internal logical struggles? Potentially insensitive ideas that could insult lots of people.

I WANT A CHEESEBURGER RIGHT NOW.